Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber’s ass.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake…….. After three days of pain and agony ………………the rattle snake died
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris throws you into a bottomless pit, you hit the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals. Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor. You NEVER slap Chuck Norris.
At the end of WWII, the U.S. Government considered developing 2 weapons: the Atom Bomb, or the Chuck Norris Roundhouse. They made the humane choice.
If Chuck Norris were to ever run out of ammo, his weapon would continue to fire out of fear of disappointing Chuck Norris.
In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
Chuck Norris called 911 to order Chinese food and got it…..
Guns are warned not to play with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow
Chuck Norris can give aspirin a headache